From Actual Doctoral Papers
During the past decade, more and more promising research has focused on children and adolescents with Asperger Syndrome (AS). For years, there has been great debates whether High Functioning Autism (HFA) and AS were one in the same. HFA and AS are strikingly similar because they are both categorized as a disorders on the Autism spectrum. However, some differences do exist neurologically. This article focuses on the characteristics AS individuals’ exhibit, strategies that can effect social development and the role others have in supporting these STRATEGIES.
During the past decade, and For years….Vague—define-Since 1995, what.
more and more… List the researchers….
promising research…list the research
a disorders.. either- a disorder or disorders
Do not make a declarative statement without a source: According to XXX (year), debate surrounds….
There has been debates …subject verb agreement… have been debates or has been debate….(Also, do not start a sentence with with a pronoun)
Page 67: strikingly-- Unless you can quote it, do not use emotive adjectives.
Page 67: However,.. remove all superfluous words.
Must source all statements of fact: do exist neurologically.... According to XXXX (year), neurological differences do exist.
This article… What article?
AS individuals’… Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome. ..
effect social: Affect and Effect. Affect means “to influence; to change; to assume,” a verb. Effect means “a result; impression” and is usually a noun.
Look at the three items listed: characteristics, strategies, role others have… these are not ALL strategies. Need a comma after the third (or next to last item in a series). ..exhibit, strategies that can affect social development, and the role others..
One in.. redundant. Eliminate. Both redundant .. eliminate
great debates… This would be “debate” (delete great) unless you find a direct quote.
Verb Tense: Focuses… Past tense…
Individuals’ exhibit,… Apostrophe use is possession only… a test: Do the exhibits belong to the individuals?
STRATEGIES. All caps are never used to emphasis a point in academic writing.
Verb Tense: “This article focuses on the characteristics AS individuals’ exhibit, strategies that can affect social development and the role others have in supporting these STRATEGIES.”
No sources, no references.
IN ADDITION: WRONG FONT: used 13 font/ Baskerville… page 228, use 12 Font, Times New Roman; Use two spaces between all sentences, only one space used, no paragraph indent, needs .5, double space.
During the past decade, and For years….Vague—define-Since 1995, what.
more and more… List the researchers….
promising research…list the research
a disorders.. either- a disorder or disorders
Do not make a declarative statement without a source: According to XXX (year), debate surrounds….
There has been debates …subject verb agreement… have been debates or has been debate….(Also, do not start a sentence with with a pronoun)
Page 67: strikingly-- Unless you can quote it, do not use emotive adjectives.
Page 67: However,.. remove all superfluous words.
Must source all statements of fact: do exist neurologically.... According to XXXX (year), neurological differences do exist.
This article… What article?
AS individuals’… Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome. ..
effect social: Affect and Effect. Affect means “to influence; to change; to assume,” a verb. Effect means “a result; impression” and is usually a noun.
Look at the three items listed: characteristics, strategies, role others have… these are not ALL strategies. Need a comma after the third (or next to last item in a series). ..exhibit, strategies that can affect social development, and the role others..
One in.. redundant. Eliminate. Both redundant .. eliminate
great debates… This would be “debate” (delete great) unless you find a direct quote.
Verb Tense: Focuses… Past tense…
Individuals’ exhibit,… Apostrophe use is possession only… a test: Do the exhibits belong to the individuals?
STRATEGIES. All caps are never used to emphasis a point in academic writing.
Verb Tense: “This article focuses on the characteristics AS individuals’ exhibit, strategies that can affect social development and the role others have in supporting these STRATEGIES.”
No sources, no references.
IN ADDITION: WRONG FONT: used 13 font/ Baskerville… page 228, use 12 Font, Times New Roman; Use two spaces between all sentences, only one space used, no paragraph indent, needs .5, double space.
Childhood Obesity: What Can Schools Do? What Can’t Schools Do?
In July of 2003, the Surgeon General of the U. S., Dr. Richard Carmona, spoke before the Subcommittee on Education Reform. His message was a serious one: the U.S. has an epidemic of childhood obesity, and must act now to reduce childhood obesity in America; furthermore, he recommended increased physical activity, healthier eating habits and improved health literacy for all children (Carmona, 2003, p. 23). With this said, what are the realistic roles schools can play in combating the rise in childhood obesity and what can’t they do: mandating physical education, and health programs for all grade levels? Is it realistic to expect schools to solve a problem it didn't create; moreover, if new or additional physical education programs are mandated what happened to other academic courses or programs? Are parents and society responsible for this obesity crisis? Finally, in the six years since the warning by Carmona have anything of significance changed?
Title: Doctoral learners should avoid contractions and questions in all papers. Rethink the title.
Reword: In July 2003, the Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Richard H. Carmona, gave a testimony before the Subcommittee on Education Reform of the U.S. Congress.
If a sentence follows a colon, capitalize the first word.
Always spell out “United States” unless it is used as an adjective—U.S. Congress
Page 88: Look at the three items listed: Need a comma after the third (or next to last item in a series)—habits
Page 67 America; furthermore, he; create; moreover, if –—no conjunctive adverbs
Page 67: With this said,… Finally, --Remove superfluous words
Change all questions to statements. Two spaces between all sentences
Watch run-on sentences, comma use, subject-verb agreement.
In July of 2003, the Surgeon General of the U. S., Dr. Richard Carmona, spoke before the Subcommittee on Education Reform. His message was a serious one: the U.S. has an epidemic of childhood obesity, and must act now to reduce childhood obesity in America; furthermore, he recommended increased physical activity, healthier eating habits and improved health literacy for all children (Carmona, 2003, p. 23). With this said, what are the realistic roles schools can play in combating the rise in childhood obesity and what can’t they do: mandating physical education, and health programs for all grade levels? Is it realistic to expect schools to solve a problem it didn't create; moreover, if new or additional physical education programs are mandated what happened to other academic courses or programs? Are parents and society responsible for this obesity crisis? Finally, in the six years since the warning by Carmona have anything of significance changed?
Title: Doctoral learners should avoid contractions and questions in all papers. Rethink the title.
Reword: In July 2003, the Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Richard H. Carmona, gave a testimony before the Subcommittee on Education Reform of the U.S. Congress.
If a sentence follows a colon, capitalize the first word.
Always spell out “United States” unless it is used as an adjective—U.S. Congress
Page 88: Look at the three items listed: Need a comma after the third (or next to last item in a series)—habits
Page 67 America; furthermore, he; create; moreover, if –—no conjunctive adverbs
Page 67: With this said,… Finally, --Remove superfluous words
Change all questions to statements. Two spaces between all sentences
Watch run-on sentences, comma use, subject-verb agreement.
Actual edit for a doctoral client who did
not want to use track changes (balloons),
but wanted to see all her mistakes....
Page 1
The number of students diagnosed with special needs continues to increase, demonstrating the necessity for staff at inclusive educational facilities to determine the most appropriate instructional methods to meet the individual needs of each student in the most effective manner (Smith, 2009; Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth, 2006).
See Page 67, 3.08: Suggestion:
According to Smith (2009), the number of students diagnosed with special needs continues to increase, which involves public schools and inclusive educational facilities. Staff at both institutions must determine the appropriate instructional methods to meet the individual needs of each student in an effective manner (Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth, 2006; Smith, 2009).
APA Page 177—list references in the same order they appear in the Reference list, alphabetically.
End of first para: (Smith, 2009; Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth, 2006). See notation above and
Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth…Page 175: more than two authors are only cited once and on the reference page. Other citations use the first author and et al. I used the “find” function and changed all.
Please note: Differentiated instruction and multiple intelligence are common nouns and as such, are not capitalized. If you wrote Gardner’s Multiple Intelligence, then you would capitalize.
Page 2
Based on various research, the potential barriers of the successful implementation of special education include the need for training and lack of instructional methodologies.
You need to cite the research if you mention it.
Page 3
APA Page 95: accommodations/modifications, should be, accommodations or modifications
APA Page 78: Karge and Lasky (2009) state, should be stated
Page 4
In addition, the sample size is often larger (Sportscience, 2008; Creswell, 2005).
Should be (Creswell, 2005; Sportscience, 2008).
In addition, the sample size is often larger…than what? Any time you say larger, bigger, or give a comparing word, you must finish.
Page 5
Parallel construction: Qualitative research was not appropriate for this study, as this method involved exploration and research based on broad questions, data involving text, and searching for themes.
Suggestion: Qualitative research was not appropriate for this study, as this method involved exploration and research looking at broad questions, data involving text, and analysis searching for themes.
Wordy: Many times, qualitative research involves studying a problem in which very little is known and helps develop an understanding of the phenomenon (Creswell, 2005).
Suggestion: Qualitative research often involves studying a problem where little is known to help develop an understanding of the phenomenon (Creswell, 2005).
Currently, over 80% of students with disabilities receive education in an inclusive setting (Bright Hub, 2011).
Cannot use a nonspecific word for time--
Your source is not scholarly—
Here is the government source if you want it.
In 2012, over 80% of students with disabilities received their education in the regular education or inclusion setting 90% of the time under the mandates of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001.
How to cite in the Reference page:
No Child Left Behind Act of 2001, 20 U.S.C. § 6319 (2008).
Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, 42 U.S.C.A. § 12101 et seq. (2008).
Page 6
Wordy: As classrooms nationwide are becoming more diverse, instruction should be differentiated to meet the individual needs of students. Brain research indicates when tasks are too simple or challenging for a student, he or she shuts down, either to prevent harm or because he or she does not have to complete thoughtful activity (Jensen, 2005).
Suggestion: As the nation’s classrooms become more diverse, teachers should differentiate instruction to meet the needs of all students. Brain research indicates students shut down when tasks are too simple or too challenging.
Page 7
Wordy: The outcome will likely result in creating an environment that encourages collaboration and success.
Suggestion: The result could be an environment that encourages collaboration and success.
Definition of Terms must be in alphabetical order. They must be full sentences. I fixed this for you.
You cannot have a URL in your text body.
Barrier is an obstacle preventing the successful implementation of special education (Merriam-Webster, 2011; Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, 2011).
Perceptions are for the purposes of this study, a perception is an impression of special education in this study (Merriam-Webster, 2011; Psychology Dictionary, 2010).
I pulled Barrier and Perceptions; you cannot use a dictionary in a doctoral dissertation. I will find you scholarly sources after I finish editing.
Awkward: Three hundred twelve principals were asked to participate because each principal designates its own policies, curriculum, and standards, therefore demonstrating the importance of sending a survey to each principal for the most accurate data.
Suggestion: The researcher asked 312 principals to participate. Each principal designates his or her own policies, curriculum, and standards. Hence, the researcher deemed it imperative to invite each principal to contribute his or her data to the study.
The number of students diagnosed with special needs continues to increase, demonstrating the necessity for staff at inclusive educational facilities to determine the most appropriate instructional methods to meet the individual needs of each student in the most effective manner (Smith, 2009; Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth, 2006).
See Page 67, 3.08: Suggestion:
According to Smith (2009), the number of students diagnosed with special needs continues to increase, which involves public schools and inclusive educational facilities. Staff at both institutions must determine the appropriate instructional methods to meet the individual needs of each student in an effective manner (Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth, 2006; Smith, 2009).
APA Page 177—list references in the same order they appear in the Reference list, alphabetically.
End of first para: (Smith, 2009; Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth, 2006). See notation above and
Breeding, Hood, & Whitworth…Page 175: more than two authors are only cited once and on the reference page. Other citations use the first author and et al. I used the “find” function and changed all.
Please note: Differentiated instruction and multiple intelligence are common nouns and as such, are not capitalized. If you wrote Gardner’s Multiple Intelligence, then you would capitalize.
Page 2
Based on various research, the potential barriers of the successful implementation of special education include the need for training and lack of instructional methodologies.
You need to cite the research if you mention it.
Page 3
APA Page 95: accommodations/modifications, should be, accommodations or modifications
APA Page 78: Karge and Lasky (2009) state, should be stated
Page 4
In addition, the sample size is often larger (Sportscience, 2008; Creswell, 2005).
Should be (Creswell, 2005; Sportscience, 2008).
In addition, the sample size is often larger…than what? Any time you say larger, bigger, or give a comparing word, you must finish.
Page 5
Parallel construction: Qualitative research was not appropriate for this study, as this method involved exploration and research based on broad questions, data involving text, and searching for themes.
Suggestion: Qualitative research was not appropriate for this study, as this method involved exploration and research looking at broad questions, data involving text, and analysis searching for themes.
Wordy: Many times, qualitative research involves studying a problem in which very little is known and helps develop an understanding of the phenomenon (Creswell, 2005).
Suggestion: Qualitative research often involves studying a problem where little is known to help develop an understanding of the phenomenon (Creswell, 2005).
Currently, over 80% of students with disabilities receive education in an inclusive setting (Bright Hub, 2011).
Cannot use a nonspecific word for time--
Your source is not scholarly—
Here is the government source if you want it.
In 2012, over 80% of students with disabilities received their education in the regular education or inclusion setting 90% of the time under the mandates of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001.
How to cite in the Reference page:
No Child Left Behind Act of 2001, 20 U.S.C. § 6319 (2008).
Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, 42 U.S.C.A. § 12101 et seq. (2008).
Page 6
Wordy: As classrooms nationwide are becoming more diverse, instruction should be differentiated to meet the individual needs of students. Brain research indicates when tasks are too simple or challenging for a student, he or she shuts down, either to prevent harm or because he or she does not have to complete thoughtful activity (Jensen, 2005).
Suggestion: As the nation’s classrooms become more diverse, teachers should differentiate instruction to meet the needs of all students. Brain research indicates students shut down when tasks are too simple or too challenging.
Page 7
Wordy: The outcome will likely result in creating an environment that encourages collaboration and success.
Suggestion: The result could be an environment that encourages collaboration and success.
Definition of Terms must be in alphabetical order. They must be full sentences. I fixed this for you.
You cannot have a URL in your text body.
Barrier is an obstacle preventing the successful implementation of special education (Merriam-Webster, 2011; Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, 2011).
Perceptions are for the purposes of this study, a perception is an impression of special education in this study (Merriam-Webster, 2011; Psychology Dictionary, 2010).
I pulled Barrier and Perceptions; you cannot use a dictionary in a doctoral dissertation. I will find you scholarly sources after I finish editing.
Awkward: Three hundred twelve principals were asked to participate because each principal designates its own policies, curriculum, and standards, therefore demonstrating the importance of sending a survey to each principal for the most accurate data.
Suggestion: The researcher asked 312 principals to participate. Each principal designates his or her own policies, curriculum, and standards. Hence, the researcher deemed it imperative to invite each principal to contribute his or her data to the study.